That Hollow Feeling
by I Shot The Sheriff
Summary: I’ve got everything I’d ever wanted in life, and I’m only thirty two. And yet… It all felt so hollow. Palletshipping.


**Title:** That Hollow Feeling

**Word count:** 3 115

**Summery:** I've got everything I'd ever wanted in life, and I'm only thirty two. And yet… It all felt so hollow. Palletshipping.

**Dedication:** It's all thanks to **Maia's Pen** and her wonderful stories that I'm writing this, and even though she's an Egoshipper, I'm dedicating this story to her.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it. If I did, it'd been shown on ITV again, not hidden away on Boomerang where I can't reach it.

**A/N:** Wow, this is longer than what I expected... Anyway, after weeks of being stuck in bed, I began reading the Pokemon stories on this site, and what struck me was the beauty in which the relationships are told. So, I decided to make my very first slash fic Ash and Gary, who I think, if Pokemon was shown that little bit later, would be together quicker than David Cameron to a global warming disaster (that's for you, Brits!) See if you can spot the song lyrics!

* * *

Well, here I am. The Master of the Electric Type. The big-shot with the media buzzing around me, a blonde babe draped over my arm, a swanky pad, more money than God. I'm a member of the Elite Four! Picked out by Lance himself! Every day, people come to me, to battle me, and though they loose, they're still awed by my power! I've got everything I'd ever wanted in life, and I'm only thirty two. And yet… It all felt so hollow.

It was my third year of being an Elite member. I was training my new Raichu, when it hit me. My Pokemon actually hit me, because I wasn't paying any attention to it whatsoever. I halted training for the day, and went for lunch with Lance, telling him about my inattentiveness and wondering what I should do. "Ash, you don't love Sarah," he stated bluntly, not looking up from his salmon. I dropped my fork in shock.

"How can you say that? I adore my wife! Ever since Misty died, she's been the one person I can count on," I retorted, but some part of me knew that Lance was the one hitting the nail on the head, not me. Lance put his fork down and looked me in the eye, nothing but kindness in his voice.

"Ash, you despise Sarah and you can't stand to be with her anymore. It was the first Claire said to me when she had dinner with you last week, and she's no psychic. Go home, you'll see what I'm on about – we don't have any trainers in until tomorrow afternoon, so you can take the rest of the day off if you want."

I stood up, insulted and resentful. How dare he? How dare he even suggest that my marriage was less than perfect? I grumbled all the way back to my apartment. Opening the door, I was suddenly filled with a desire to run away, to not have to see my wife, not to prove Lance right. But it was too late – she'd seen me.

"Hi honey you're home early everything okay? Hey I bought the cutest little dress today in town and you know how hard it is to find a size small enough for me, so I said to the shop girl I said you don't have this in a two do you and she said I don't think so but I can arrange a fitting so I said…"

I allowed her babbling to wash over me, as she took of my coat, sat me down on the sofa, handed me a soda and just _talked_. She was talking about a ribbon she'd bought for her dress, when I knew that Lance was right – I couldn't stand her any longer.

"Sarah," I said quietly. Still talking.

"Sarah," I said, standing up, putting my drink down. Still talking.

"SARAH!" I yelled, finally shutting her up.

"Yes honey what is it?" She said, an expression that she probably thought was adorable on her face.

"Who said that I love you?" She giggled, completely misapprehending the gravity of my question.

"Why everyone says you love me silly!" I jumped over the sofa, and gently held her arms, forcing her to look at me.

"I don't think I've ever said I love you. I've said I like you, you're cute, I've even said I adore you, but every time we touch, I get this feeling I'm holding something that I want to throw away as far as possible. I've never realised it before, but Sarah – I hate you."

She looked at me, eyes and lips quivering, then slapped me across the cheek as hard as she could, pure disgust gleaming out of her eyes. She ran out of the door, sobbing theatrically as she went.

Of course the papers and her lawyers had a field day. Nearly every day, new stories about me appeared on the front page, about how I abused her by setting my Pokemon on her, lighting her hair on fire, controlling her credit cards and stopping her from 'following her dreams' of becoming an actress. Apparently, I had affairs – nasty ones too, with barely overage girl trainers -, I spent more time with my friends than with her and I regularly punched her in the stomach, so we couldn't have children. This one cut me deeply; I'd always wanted a child, but to think how we used to try made me feel physically sick.

'He thinks he can get away with it because he's mates with that Lance, just because he's a famous trainer. He's so cruel! He only used me, he never even said he loved me!' she'd wail from chat shows, all the while her mascara staying perfectly around her eyes, not matter how hard she'd sob.

When I couldn't get to work because of the paparazzi outside my front door, Lance had to step in. I was sat in my kitchen, scared of meeting the outside world, worried what would happen to my Pokemon, when he walked through my apartment. "Ash, where've been? We can't start without you, and we've got a queue of trainers today." I looked up at him, my face tear stained.

"I never hurt her, Lance, I would never hurt her, but now she's saying that I killed Pikachu, and I… I… I'm worried, Lance." I finished, my voice choking with emotion.

"I know, I'll see what I can do about Sarah."

I don't know what he did, but Sarah was quiet until after the divorce settlements.

She got everything she wanted, too. She milked me out of every penny I had; I was broke, but only for about a month or so, because I had more time to train harder. No matter how much she'd raked my name through mud, Lance and the others absolutely refused to have me fired. The league still had its popularity, and I made more money than ever before, only allowing one trainer to slip through to go to Karen.

That was two years ago. I'd been with a number of girls, but they were meaningless pleasures, never scratching the surface of what I wanted. Sometimes, I'd thought I'd hit it, but after a month of happiness, doubt would kick in and I'd be on my own again.

I was out with Brock one night in Viridian (I was celebrating beating a particularly egotistical trainer), when I heard a voice that took me right back to when I was ten years old, dressed in my pyjamas, late for my Pokemon journey.

"Ash? ASH!"

It was Gary.

"Hey, Gary! How've you been, buddy?" said Brock, waving Gary over to us from the bar. "We were just about to hit the town, want to join us?" I gawked uselessly as Gary sauntered over to us, holding a vodka and coke. I stood up and shook hands with my one-time rival, embracing him as nearly eight years of next to no contact were swept away. Brock stood too, shaking hands and scooting so Gary could sit between us.

"I was going home, but seeing as I'm with an Elite Four member and the world's greatest breeder, I suppose it would be impolite to refuse. Tough break about Sarah, Ash, is she writing a book on you soon?" I downed my whisky in one, grimacing at the taste.

"Yeah, _My Abusive Past,_ some hack was going through my bins for research the other day and lent me a copy of the opening chapter. Nobody'll buy it though, I'm _so_ yesterday."

Gary laughed, making me smile. I felt… I don't know, like I'd just won a minor battle. It wasn't much, but a good feeling, all the same.

"Screw her, she screwed me," I finished, standing up to order another drink, Gary laughing again. He was so different since we last met! He was always mature, but I hardly recognised him as the arrogant jerk who used to tease me and beat me at everything. He was more handsome too, his years of hiking for his research having definitely helped to chisel his features. His old entourage of girls were there with him, but they only slinked away when they realised who I was and want the papers had swore I'd done. I ordered three vodka shots and walked carefully back to our table, the bar slowly filling up with ravers wanting a head start before drinking themselves senseless.

"Here y'go fellers – hey where's Brock?" Gary pointed to a very pretty girl, with Brock declaring his undying love for her. She looked annoyed, but pleased all the same, allowing him to sit with her. I laughed; looked like the guy finally got a lucky break.

"So how you been Ash? I don't believe everything I read in the papers, but have you been out with that many girls since your break up?" He downed his shot, never taking his eyes off me, which is no mean feat.

"I guess I'm just looking for the right person. Looking back, I thought Misty was her, but we were better off as friends, and I've no regrets about my decision. I miss her sometimes when I'm alone, but she died peacefully, with her Pokemon, sisters and friends with her."

"No regrets?"

"None, I regret nothing. So how about you, how's Blastoise?" Gary stiffened slightly, and I knew I'd said the wrong thing.

"Blastoise died three weeks ago, Ash. My first Pokemon… and he's gone." I put my hand on his shoulder, gently stroking him with my thumb, and pushed Brock's shot glass towards him. He laughed again, making me smile, like I'd helped him get through something. He downed it, and I hastily removed my hand.

"Have you still got Pikachu with you? I bet he's a hit with the ladies," He said, the slightest trace of emotion left in his voice.

"No, Pikachu died two years ago. But I've got his daughter and mate still, so his legacy lives on." I raised my shot glass to the heavens. "To lost friends," I said, before downing my own drink. "Shall we move on then?" I said, noticing how the bar was becoming more and more crowded.

"Sure, but what about Bro -"

"Hi guys love to party with ya but Kristina says she's got a new coffee machine at her place so I'm going to try it out for her sorry Ash bye Gary!" He said, already being led out of the bar by the aforementioned Kristina. I blinked at my friend's abrupt exit, but it made Gary laugh again, which made me feel good inside; deep down, I felt something stir.

"Well, looks like it's you and me, Ashy," Gary said, pulling on his leather jacket and winking at me. That wink made that something stir a bit more, and I grabbed my jacket, smiling at him.

"Looks like is, Ga…ry. Hey you're name has a 'y' already, that's an unfair advantage!" He laughed again, this time loudly. I laughed too, knowing that my joke had pleased him, feeling very satisfied.

We hit the town alright – my fame got us through the doors, Gary's aching good looks got us the attentions of nearly every girl out. I ran into a few exes – quite a lot now, coming to think about it – but a smile and a flirty joke from Gary made them forget about me. I've not been in anyone's shadow for years; even when I'm out with Lance, I get the attention because of my rise to fame, fortune and bad marital decisions. But being with Gary meant I could shrink away from the attentions of the girls if I wanted to, and become his goofy mate. I knew that I didn't look anything close to goofy (I thought I was pretty damn hot, actually), but when Gary was there, I got no unwanted attention, no photographers leaping out at me, no drinks thrown at me – when I was with Gary, I could simply be myself. As we moved from one place to another, I noticed something – he never took his eyes off me, he was always close to me and he never once left me on my own. I'd never been this closely protected by a human being before, but I knew it was something I could get used to.

Safe to say, we got smashed. Stumbling into a cab at four in the morning, we were telling awful jokes to each. Incoherent, babbling, senseless jokes and we laughed at every single one.

"Hey Gary, where you staying?" I slurred, when the cabbie asked 'where to fella's?'

"I… In… Pallet! With my sister," He replied, still sniggering from my last joke about the Slowpoke, the Gloom and the Catapie bush.

"Nah, you're not, you're staying at mine tonight, right?" I said, grinning like a buffoon.

"Yeah, yeah, s'okay then, I'll stay with you, Ash," he said, fixing me with his beautiful eyes.

"Hey, you Ash the Elite Four guy? Man, my kid wants to be just like you! I said, what you wanna be a wife beater, but he said," The cabbie said excitedly. He gabbled the whole way back to the Plateau about his son, but I wasn't listening. Gary was still staring at me intently, and I felt his hand reach for my own. His one little touch made me feel complete and whole, in a way that neither Misty, Sarah or anyone else could make me feel. _Not here_, I mouthed, and he nodded, releasing my hand from his with a slight hesitation. I was silent, but I could have sang with happiness at that point. I'd never thought I'd say it, but I was free-falling for Gary Oak, and I knew – I instinctively _knew_ – that he felt the same for me.

We arrived at my apartment, after tipping the cabbie heavily. The sun was coming up, and I had no trainers at all today. I nervously looked at the man that was standing in my lounge from the doorway. My God, he was the handsomest person I'd ever seen. He was swaying slightly, and fell into my sofa, squashing a poketreat. Laughing uncontrollably, he said, "Hey Ash, what's a cross between a Rhyhorn and a Psyduck?"

"Gary, I can honestly say I don't care." I crossed the floor in three steps and fell next to him onto my sofa. He looked suddenly serious, and I faltered slightly. Had I completely misjudged him and this whole situation?

"Ash…" He whispered softly. He could have been belting out my name from a mountain top; that whisper said so much for me. He closed the gap between us, putting his arms around my shoulders. I had to say something, but all I could think of his name.

"Gary…" I held his face with my right hand, placed my other on the small of his back. Gary looked at me, his head tilted to one side. I held my breath. My stomach was swooping like a Noctowl. But something was wrong.

"Ash… I miss my friend" He said quietly, a small tear running down the side of his face. I kissed it away softly, tasting the salty water on my lips, never wanting that taste to disappear.

"I know Gary, I miss all my friends too, but they never truly leave you if you truly loved them. I think about Pikachu every day, as well as Misty, but I know they're happy now."

"Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm in love with you." Another tear, another kiss. I kissed his nose, his eyelids and lips. I looked at him, and smiled.

"Gary?"

"Yeah?"

"I know I'm in love with you."

I kissed him again on his lips, my hands reaching through his hair. He opened his mouth and kissed me back, and I felt his hands on my shoulders. It was like drinking a cool glass of water after a five year drought. It was like all the best days of my life rolled into one. It was as though I'd woken up out of a long slumber to a new dawn. My face was wet with unrestrained tears of joy, and he kissed them away, like I had done. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world, being kissed by Gary Oak, who used to push me, and taunt me, and now looked at me as though I was the only thing on the globe that mattered. He held my face in his strong hands, studying me; my God, the way he looked at me! I could have melted in his eyes then and there.

"The greatest thing you can ever learn is to be loved and to love in return," Gary said, quoting a forgotten song from our youth. "I love you Ash Ketchum," he said, kissing me again on my lips.

"I love you too, Gary Oak," I replied, kissing him on the corner of his mouth.

And finally, it all didn't feel so hollow anymore.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading my story, it means a lot. If you can think of anything that might improve it, please don't hesitate to say so; I personal think I got Gary's voice a bit wrong, what do you think?

Oh, and it's all thanks to Maia's Pen and her wonderful stories that I'm writing this, and even though she's an Egoshipper, I'm dedicating this story to her.so cheers!

x


End file.
